Cthulhu and Me: A Very Special Episode

Yesterday I made a trip to my hometown. I had to get my car inspected. Also, the mother of a neighbour recently passed away, so I wanted to attend calling hours.

Of course, Zelly Cthulhu came along.

After I dropped my car off, I stayed at Grandpa's house. We ate some lunch and watched television together. Eventually, I couldn't keep my eyes open. The past few weeks have been rough, and I'm certainly not used to going out and drinking in the evening. These two factors hit suddenly, so I retired to my mother's old bedroom for a nap.

As I was unfurling a blanket, Zelly explored the place. He flew up to the dresser and began to poke around; I warned him not to disturb Grandpa's things. After a while, he settled down in front of an old picture. Before he could ask, I explained "That's an old picture of me when I was a kid. I was the flower girl in my uncle's wedding."

"How long ago was that?"

"Oh, I don't know," I replied. "I was too young to remember a lot of it. So, probably twenty-five years or so."

He jumped onto my shoulder and gasped in astonishment. "Wow! You grew so big that fast?"

"Yeah. We humans do that."

I settled into bed and closed my eyes. It was just a week prior that I was sleeping here. My grandmother had passed away, and I didn't want Grandpa to be alone in the house. Tears welled in my eyes.

This sudden burst of emotion did not escape Zelly. "Why are you sad?"

I sat up. "Zelly, I don't think you'll understand. You guys cause death, yeah, but I don't think you experience it like we do. When somebody dies, you never see them again. It's very sad. But you creatures live forever, or at least for so long that you forget what it's like to not be alive. We do all our growing and dying in the span of a few decades. That's it. That's all the life we're allowed to have."

"But why?"

"I don't know. People have been trying to figure that out for as long as they've been people. That's why so many religions exist. Maybe that's why they cause so many wars. Nobody's really right about what happens to you when you die, but people want to believe that they are. Losing somebody hurts so much, so religion is the one thing some people have to cling to. Perhaps they don't want that belief to be threatened. I don't know, but I've never been religious, so I'm not the best person to speculate about all that."

"Are people sad forever whenever somebody dies?"

"No, Zelly. Not completely. We start off being all sad, and then we become incrementally less sad over time. Pretty soon, only a part of us is sad. But, yes, that part remains sad forever. A piece of me will miss Grandma all the time -- at Christmas, or when I eat Wedding Soup (which is never served at weddings, oddly enough), or if I get married someday. Or when I look at Grandpa and see how much he misses her. They were married for sixty-one years, and when you're with somebody for so long, it's hard to live life without them. Hell, I'm twenty-eight. Before I moved to Pittsburgh, I saw Grandma almost every day because she lived so close. And even though I didn't see her every day for the past two and a half years, she was still only a phone call away. Or, there was just the thought that she was there. ...Oh, Zelly, I feel so tired. Sometimes this stuff is really hard to think about, and humans are ultimately fragile things."

"Maybe," I continued. "It's best that your dad is just going to destroy everybody someday. We'll die all at once, and then there'll be nobody left to miss anybody. And if he does eat our souls, then there really won't be anything left. There'll never be any sadness on this planet ever again. That's both beautiful and distressing at the same time."

"There's so much I don't know about humans. How can you live being so sad all the time?"

"We're not sad all the time. And it's sadness and happiness and beauty and anger that makes life. Do you have a grandmother, Zelly?"

"I don't think so."

"Grandmothers reward you for the simple act of living. They shower you with food and money and presents whenever you visit. They're patient and loving, no matter what you do. They'd give you a medal for getting the mail every day if they could. Maybe they're like that because they're only around for a short time. Grandmothers are the best. You should ask if you have one. If you do, you should go visit her in whatever dimension she lives in."

"I don't think my grandmother would be like that."

"Well," I mused. "You're probably right."

We stared at each other for a long time. "You know something?" Zelly eventually quipped. "I'd be sad if you died because I'd miss you."

"Well, thanks. I suppose that's really something coming from a Cthulhu."

He hopped up onto my head. "And whenever Dad wakes up, I'll tell him not to eat you. That way, you'll always have a friend you'll never have to lose. Then we can have adventures forever."